it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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