the condom got lost in my hair
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
