carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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