Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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