Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
