PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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