he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
