I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize