I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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