you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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