i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
