Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
