I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
