nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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