Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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