Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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