Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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