I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
