just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
