im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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