I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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