I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize