I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
