thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
