All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
