My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
