i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
