This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Shame - the story of my life.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
