Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
