This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
