im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
