so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
