OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
