i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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