i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just found puke in my bra..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
