Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
