I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
