Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
