my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
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Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
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I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win