I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating