I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?