Your mouth is God's brothel.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.