You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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