Me too!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
