Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
