awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
