how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
