she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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