butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
