why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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