No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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