My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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