Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
