My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
