She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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