I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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