I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
