I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
