Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
