ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
