pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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