So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
