i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
