and my herpes radar will keep us safe
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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