Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
