The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
