Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she woke up with a sticky ear
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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