I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
