im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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