i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
