he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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