Im at strip club and am horny
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dignity is for republicans.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
