I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
