i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
