I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
