Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
