I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
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I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
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your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
His nipple licking is glorious
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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