Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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