I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
