Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
