thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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