He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
