and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
