My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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