explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
