Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
