Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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