So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
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Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
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Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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