ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
