During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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