my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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