I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
